Russians Living in Exile Cope with Grief Far from Home

The conflict in Ukraine has displaced over 650,000 to 1 million Russians since early 2022, with many choosing to stay abroad due to fears of returning. For those who left their homeland, the emotional toll of separation has compounded the trauma of losing family members. Three individuals shared how they navigate this dual challenge of displacement and mourning.

Pyotr Trofimov’s Spontaneous Escape

Pyotr Trofimov, now residing in Bavaria, recounted his sudden departure from Moscow. Just three weeks into his stay in Germany, he learned of his father’s death in St. Petersburg. Had the war not erupted, he would have remained in Russia, preparing for a job search after his 2024 graduation. But the invasion forced him to relocate, altering his life trajectory in an instant.

“It was a spontaneous decision made after the war began. I assumed moving to Europe would offer a more stable future,” Trofimov explained.

With limited time to settle, he faced the heartbreak of missing a final farewell. Direct flights between Russia and Germany were suspended, making a return trip costly and impractical. Despite this, he prioritized emotional support by scheduling a psychological session soon after the news.

Olga Harlamova on the Psychological Weight of Emigration

Olga Harlamova, a therapist in Munich, highlighted the hidden grief associated with leaving Russia. “The loss begins with the very act of emigration. Often, we don’t recognize it, so we don’t fully grieve,” she said. Her own journey to Germany from Belarus in 2000 has led to a cumulative sense of loss—jobs, social circles, and even personal identity.

“It all builds up: the loss of a job, the loss of a social circle, and ultimately, the loss of status and a sense of security,” Harlamova added.

For exiles, the compounded stress of displacement makes mourning loved ones even harder. Her insights underscore how exile can transform into a prolonged emotional struggle, blurring the lines between displacement and deep personal sorrow.

Polina Grundmane’s Unending Grief

Polina Grundmane, founder of the Sweden-based NGO Without Prejudice, described her parents’ deaths as a devastating blow. The organization, launched in March 2022, has kept her in Germany, where she can’t return safely. She was threatened with detention upon arrival, preventing her from saying goodbye when both parents passed within three months of each other in early 2024.

“My parents were everything to me. In an instant, I was left an orphan,” Grundmane said. “If I could change everything, I would have never started this NGO.”

Despite her professional experience, she admits to still grappling with their loss. “Time doesn’t heal everything. I haven’t gotten over mine,” she confessed. Her resilience, however, is rooted in understanding the psychological mechanisms of grief, even as she battles its personal weight.

To view this video, enable JavaScript and upgrade to a browser supporting HTML5 video. The stories of these exiles reveal how far from home, grief takes on a new dimension—both a private and collective burden shaped by war and displacement.