‘You’re no longer my sister’ – rows erupt as war divides Iranian families

A heated exchange between a brother and his sister, captured by a relative in a city close to Tehran, reveals the deepening tensions within Iranian households. The relative, known as Sina, recounts the moment when the man told his sister, “You’re no longer my sister,” prompting her to respond with a sharp remark: “Go to hell.”

During a recent family gathering at his grandmother’s residence, Sina observed how the war has strained relationships. His uncle, a Basij volunteer often tasked with quelling dissent, refused to greet his own sister, who opposes the current government. After their confrontation, the uncle left early, remaining quiet, according to Sina. Young Iranians have described these emotional rifts as a direct result of the ongoing conflict.

“He and other young Iranians have described emotional scenes as rifts open up over the war,” says Sina. “Even among those opposed to the government, there are deep divisions over whether the war will help or hinder attempts to bring about change.”

Despite a government-enforced internet blackout, the BBC has maintained contact with a few Iranians who continue to access online platforms. Using methods like intermittent text messages and occasional voice calls, these individuals share updates about their lives. They describe adapting to the war’s impact, such as practicing yoga amid explosions, eating birthday cake alone, and visiting nearly empty cafes.

At the end of March, Iranians celebrated Nowruz, the Persian new year marking the spring equinox. Sina, in his 20s, supports the Israeli and US air strikes, believing they will weaken the clerical regime. He notes that his uncle had not attended Nowruz gatherings in recent years but surprised the family by showing up this time. “We don’t talk to him, nor to his children,” Sina says. “He should be in prison.”

His uncle’s reluctance stems from anger over the December and January protests. At least 6,508 protesters were killed and 53,000 arrested, according to the US-based Human Rights Activists News Agency (HRANA). Sina adds that his uncle once declared he would not collect his children’s bodies if they died in the demonstrations. Yet, the uncle now appears to be seeking reconciliation, particularly with Sina’s mother.

Another individual, Kaveh from Tehran, spent Nowruz alone. His sister, also a Basij member, had already grown distant after he participated in the 2022 protests following Mahsa Amini’s death in custody. Mahsa was accused of not wearing the compulsory hijab properly. Kaveh, who uses SpaceX’s Starlink to stay connected, says his sister disconnected his devices during the holiday. “I can’t stand her anymore… I just had a fight and said I can’t stand it and I left,” he recalls over an encrypted call.

Kaveh’s excitement for Nowruz had been replaced by frustration. “I was so excited about Nowruz. I packed my clothes and wanted to be there with the family,” he said. “But now I don’t feel it at all.” Most Iranians lack internet access, but Kaveh’s defiance highlights the personal stakes of the war.