What death doulas can teach us about dying

What death doulas can teach us about – Rita Ball, a death doula based in London, has spent the last three years accompanying individuals in their final hours. Her work centers on providing comfort and presence during the transition from life to death. “It’s deeply moving to see a person’s journey as they leave this world,” she explains, capturing the emotional gravity of the moment. Ball’s role involves guiding families and volunteers in NHS care homes, offering non-medical support that focuses on the personal and emotional aspects of end-of-life care.

From Birth to Death: The Doula Model

While many are familiar with birth doulas who assist mothers during pregnancy, childbirth, and the early stages of parenthood, death doulas are gaining recognition as a vital counterpart in the final stages of life. These professionals, often referred to as “soul midwives,” help individuals and their loved ones navigate the dying process with dignity. Emma Clare, CEO of End of Life Doula UK, notes that the organization saw a significant surge in membership in 2025, with 114 doulas joining—a sharp contrast to earlier years. This growth reflects a broader cultural shift toward valuing companionship and emotional support during death.

Clare emphasizes that death doulas are not medical practitioners but rather advocates for the human experience of dying. Their services include preparing the space for death, facilitating conversations, and helping families manage the practicalities of the process. Costs vary depending on the doula’s level of training, with hourly fees ranging from £25 to £45. Yet, some doulas offer their services pro bono, underscoring the personal commitment many feel toward this role.

Stories of Support and Connection

For Fanny Behrens, a death doula became a lifeline during her husband’s battle with cancer. She first approached Sarah Parker, a doula in Devon, ten months before her husband’s passing. “Sarah was incredibly patient with me as I cried endlessly in her kitchen,” Behrens recalls. “It was a relief to speak with someone who wasn’t family, someone who could simply be there without judgment.” Parker’s presence allowed Behrens to process her grief while also supporting her husband’s final wishes.

“She helped me ask the hard questions—where he wanted to be buried, what his funeral should look like,” Behrens says. “And she guided me through the administrative tasks, like contacting undertakers and registering the death. What stood out was her ability to remind me to care for myself, not just immerse myself in his needs.”

Parker also became a vital companion for Behrens’s husband during his final days. She explained the physical changes that occur as the body begins to shut down, demystifying the process for the family. “There’s something comforting about being with someone who understands the mechanics of dying,” Behrens adds. “Even if it doesn’t erase the pain, it helps make the experience feel more familiar and less overwhelming.”

The Human Touch in a Modern Context

Krista Hughes, a soul midwife at the Mulberry Centre—a cancer charity—believes the emotional bond between the doula and the person nearing death is crucial. “When someone is born, they are cradled by care and love,” Hughes says. “We hope they can die similarly, surrounded by those who understand their journey.” Hughes recounts a case where a patient desired to pass away in a garden but required medical attention in a hospital. To honor their wish, she created an immersive environment using lavender oil, birdsong recordings, and visual aids, transforming the space into a symbolic version of their dream.

Death doulas often extend their support beyond the moment of death. Ball, for instance, has visited funeral homes to deliver messages on behalf of families and assisted in organizing memorial services. Others engage in community education, hosting death cafes where people gather to discuss end-of-life topics over tea and cake. These initiatives aim to normalize conversations about death and reduce the stigma associated with it.

Reclaiming the Natural Process

Marian Krawczyk, a researcher at the University of Glasgow and founder of the End-of-Life Doula International Research group, argues that end-of-life care must evolve to match modern realities. She notes that many people today have a limited understanding of death, shaped by dramatic portrayals in media or sudden, unexpected losses. “We’ve lost a lot of knowledge about the ordinary, peaceful way people can die,” Krawczyk explains. By offering detailed yet accessible explanations of the dying process, doulas help individuals and families reclaim control, allowing time for meaningful connections rather than fear-driven reactions.

Clare adds that this shift is part of a growing awareness of the emotional and psychological dimensions of death. “Doulas help people move from anxiety to acceptance,” she says. “They provide a space where people can process their feelings, ask questions, and find comfort in the process.” For example, Parker has shared how the body’s temperature drops and breathing patterns change as death approaches. “A death rattle—a sound caused by fluid buildup in the airways—can be unsettling for those around the person,” Parker explains. “But if you’ve prepared them for it, it becomes a natural part of the journey.”

Breaking the Silence

Ball highlights the importance of breaking the silence that often follows a death. “The quiet after someone passes can feel heavy,” she says. “But doulas help families sit with that silence, turning it into a shared experience.” This role extends beyond the immediate aftermath, as doulas often remain with families to recount the final days, ensuring memories are preserved and emotions are acknowledged.

As the popularity of death doulas grows, so does their influence on how society views dying. Celebrities such as Nicole Kidman and Ruby Wax have publicly embraced the role, joining training programs to become end-of-life doulas. Davina McCall, a well-known broadcaster, also plans to pursue this path upon retirement. Their involvement signals a cultural movement toward valuing death as a meaningful, personal experience rather than a clinical event.

Ultimately, death doulas offer more than just companionship—they provide a bridge between life and death, helping individuals and families navigate the emotional terrain with grace. By fostering open dialogue and offering practical support, they remind us that dying, like living, can be a time for connection, reflection, and love. As Krawczyk puts it, “The way people die has changed, and so must the way we support them.” In a world increasingly focused on efficiency, death doulas bring back the art of presence, ensuring that the final chapter of life is met with care and compassion.