I shouldn’t have been made to visit abusive killer mum

I shouldn t have been made – Kelly Higgins, 40, has spoken out about her traumatic childhood, urging the government to revise laws that allow abusive parents to maintain visitation rights even after being convicted of severe crimes. Higgins claims her birth mother, Bernadette McNeilly, subjected her and her younger brother to physical and emotional harm, yet McNeilly retained the ability to make decisions about their lives—including sending them to visit her in prison. This has left Higgins and her brother questioning the fairness of the system that keeps them tethered to a mother who once nearly killed their babysitter.

The case of Suzanne Capper

In 1993, McNeilly was imprisoned for her role in the torture and murder of Suzanne Capper, a 16-year-old babysitter in Moston, Manchester. Alongside five others, McNeilly held Capper captive for eight days, subjecting her to relentless abuse: burning her with a candle, pulling her teeth, starving her, and finally dousing her in petrol before setting her alight. The victim died shortly after being forced out of a car at Werneth Low, Stockport, leaving behind scars that symbolized the horror of the ordeal. A judge sentenced McNeilly, then 24, to life in prison, but the legal system allowed her to retain some rights over her children, even as she languished behind bars.

“It’s still manipulation and it is still abuse – massive abuse on these children’s little minds,” said Kelly Higgins, reflecting on the emotional toll of her mother’s continued involvement in her life.

McNeilly, as the birth mother of Higgins and her brother James, was given the power to approve holidays abroad, medical procedures, and other significant life choices. Despite her conviction, Higgins recalled being “petrified” of her mother’s presence, even as McNeilly’s influence lingered. “She would bring us to visit her, and we’d be reminded of the trauma we’d endured,” Higgins explained. “It was a constant battle between fear and the hope that she’d change.”

Foster care and lingering control

After being removed from their home, Higgins and her brother were placed with foster parents, Sue Williams and her partner, Pete. Williams described the visits as emotionally draining, with tears accompanying both the departure and return. “It was hard but I had to do it,” she said. “I tried to convince her it was her mum at the end of the day. But coming away from those visits was just as tough. You’re fighting with two feelings: wanting to protect the child and acknowledging the bond with the mother.”

Higgins detailed the abuse she and her brother faced, including being tied to chairs and hit with belts. She described instances of public humiliation and physical violence that left lasting marks on their bodies. “Some of these children have cigarette burns on their skin, scars on their faces, arms, and legs,” she said. “They have answers for every mark, but they still have to endure visits to the person who caused it.”

McNeilly’s abuse of her children, according to Higgins, was overlooked by local authorities. Reports made to Manchester City Council’s social services and Greater Manchester Police were dismissed, allowing the cycle of harm to continue. “We were regularly beaten, sometimes in front of others,” Higgins said. “It made the abuse feel more personal, more insidious.”

Proposed legal changes and lingering criticism

Higgins argues that transferring parental rights from abusive birth parents to foster families would encourage more people to adopt children in need. “Sue and Pete’s love for me is why I am who I am today,” she said. “But if we have to endure visits to someone who has hurt us, that love is tested every time.”

The Ministry of Justice has introduced measures to automatically restrict parental responsibility in cases of rape leading to a child’s birth and serious sexual offenses with a four-year sentence. However, Higgins believes these changes fall short of addressing the full extent of her mother’s abuse. “These children are still being dragged to visit the person who caused their suffering,” she said, emphasizing the need for stronger protections.

Meanwhile, the government has also pledged to enact a new law that would strip parental rights from those convicted of killing someone they have children with. While this represents progress, critics argue the delay in implementation has left many children vulnerable to ongoing abuse. The proposal to revise family court law—moving away from the assumption that contact with both parents is always beneficial—has sparked debate about balancing parental rights with child welfare.

Systemic flaws and emotional scars

Greater Manchester Police acknowledged the complexity of non-recent child abuse cases, stating they are working “tirelessly” to support victims. However, they declined to comment on Higgins’ specific case, leaving the emotional burden on her to articulate the system’s failures. “Once you go into a place where that mum who has been your abuser is actually nice,” Higgins said, “you sit on her knee, she’s stroking your hair, and you don’t want to leave. But that’s when the real damage happens.”

For Higgins, the contrast between her mother’s kindness during visits and her violent past highlights the psychological strain of the arrangement. “No one understands the duality unless you’ve been a child in that position,” she said. “You’re trapped between love and fear, and the system doesn’t seem to recognize that.”

The case has drawn attention to the broader issue of how laws treat abusive parents. While the Ministry of Justice emphasizes protecting children as its “absolute priority,” Higgins and others like her argue that current policies allow perpetrators to maintain influence over their victims long after conviction. “These visits are not just about seeing a parent,” she said. “They’re about retraumatizing a child who already has enough pain to deal with.”

Experts suggest that stricter legal frameworks could help prevent such situations. For example, mandating a temporary suspension of visitation rights during the first year of foster care, or requiring psychological evaluations before allowing contact. “The law should reflect the reality that some parents can’t be trusted to have a relationship with their children without causing harm,” Higgins said, calling for a more proactive approach to child protection.

As the debate continues, Higgins remains determined to share her story, hoping it will spark meaningful reform. “If we can’t say goodbye to that abuser, we can’t fully heal,” she said. “And that’s not fair to any child who’s already been through so much.” Her words echo a growing demand for laws that prioritize the well-being of children over the rights of their abusers, even when those abusers are behind bars.