World Cup Winner Kildunne Shares Struggle with Body Dysmorphia

Ellie Kildunne, a key player in England’s rugby team, has opened up about her battle with body dysmorphia, aiming to inspire others facing similar challenges. The video couldn’t be played, but she emphasized the importance of her voice in encouraging others to find their own courage.

A Journey Through Self-Doubt

During the coronavirus lockdown, Kildunne’s competitive drive and isolation from teammates led her into a cycle of disordered eating and unhealthy weight loss. At 26, she had been a central figure in the Red Roses’ World Cup triumph last year, showcasing her talent with five tries, including a standout solo score in front of a sell-out crowd of 82,000 at Allianz Stadium against Canada.

“Our lives as athletes are built around control—tracking GPS metrics, hitting gym targets, and chasing performance goals,” she said in an interview with BBC Sport. “When that control is stripped away, I sought it elsewhere.”

Without access to team sessions or the gym, Kildunne turned to running, aiming to improve her speed. However, she also restricted her calorie intake, often using exercise to ‘earn’ meals her friends offered. “I could see myself shrinking, yet still wanted to get smaller,” she added.

Body dysmorphia became a challenge, as she felt her size was larger in the mirror despite being viewed as small in rugby. This internal conflict left her feeling out of place, both on and off the field. “Maybe I was rebelling, but I didn’t know what I was fighting for,” she reflected.

Breaking the Cycle

Her struggles resurfaced during a return to rugby, culminating in a stress fracture from overexertion. “I lacked the muscle to handle the intensity,” she explained. Later, as she transitioned to fifteens, her power and confidence in contact were tested. “Every time I touched the ball, I got smashed or had it taken,” she said, adding that she resorted to wearing shoulder pads to feel more secure.

“I had no energy to fuel my body, so I overexercised to compensate,” she noted. “It wasn’t just about sport—it was a battle with myself.”

Kildunne first discussed her eating habits with a physio at her former club, Wasps. Emily Ross, who had worked with her in sevens, offered both physical and emotional support. “I cried because I finally felt someone understood,” she recalled. “It was a turning point. Emily became a real anchor for me.”

Diagnosed with ADHD in early 2025, Kildunne now sees how her condition influenced her focus and prioritization of food. “ADHD can make it hard to stay consistent,” she explained. “But learning to treat food as fuel and taking proactive steps has helped me regain control.”